Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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