you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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