you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
