There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
