he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
