What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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