She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize