I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
