Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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