PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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