"it" just moved
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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