I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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