im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm at about main and main street
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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