His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
