Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
