no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
