Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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