you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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