It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
