I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize