i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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