I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
