Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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