in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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