Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize