I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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