people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
