remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
