I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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