Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
