Nicole vs. Life
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
