I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
