Her vagina should come with caution tape.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
