I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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