Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
