Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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