New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
