I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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