i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
