Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
