batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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