He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize