ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
