Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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