I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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