Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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