The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
