the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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