I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
