I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
