Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
