Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
