can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
