After last night, I could never be a politician.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
