Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
